How Parents stress affects Child?

Parents stress and child 

The urban life styles today requires double income families more due to tacky job situations and consumerism. Thus due to both parents working, the kids are increasingly being left over with either grand-parents or outside institutions to be take care off. So let alone the family with single parent, even in the common households children face stress as they spend time at after-school child care or at home alone. So as the parents struggle with work and home chores, kids struggle with caring for themselves. To add to this parents stress is stressful for kids as well. How? 





Parents are first teachers:


As parents we spend lot of time thinking what is best for our kids, enrolling them in best schools, best after school care, weekend programs. But what we forget is that kids are great observers they learn everything they see. They see how we run around all day, multitask, and handle our relations. They also see surprise, anger, pride and how we react to different situations.  What they learn every day by only watching cannot be filtered but as parents it is upon us to help them see, how we feel various emotions and how to tackle them. So tackling parental stress is as important for parent as for the child.

As they say Like Father Like Son, Like mother like daughter, The age old saying which means that son tend to do what their fathers did before them



Living a fast life
The everyday rush is in a way incorporated in todays’ life.  As morning routines must be rushed, kids have to be rushed to school. School life these days is stressed due to various reasons. Then kids after return are either overscheduled with homework and play activities or busy with screen time. So in this fast life when do they rest? How do they relax or get over with their daily stress?

Stress and Enjoyment
An Unhappy mother is an unhappy family is another age old saying

When parents live stress, Kids feel it too. If you are a parent who is continuously in stress conditions, but still you manage to keep a smile and happy face in front of kids, It is very brave of you. But not helpful as your stress is bottled and It will hold you back from enjoying life. You will be tending to child with heavy heart and a fake smile. Calm mind is base of healthy living, freeing your mind of stress for being happy is as important as eating healthy food for good body

Stress and Anger
Stress and anger mostly intertwined.  When a person is stressed anger finds its way. Being tempered, hostile and sarcastic are common symptoms which start affecting our daily life. A person who may not be much stressed but vents his anger more often is not so bad for self but not so good for child. Competitive and workaholic parents many a time carry the stress baggage at home also, And lot many times forget child needs love more than discipline and food.

Parenting and patience
Parents as everyone else can be stressed and angry, but as adults know how to control and express emotions. Children however are slow to understand and process and most of the times cannot tell us how they are feeling but give us some signs. When parents are stress, it is difficult for them to focus their mind on understanding what child is trying to tell. Parents may often just react to the child’s behavior very strongly but we forget Parents as adults have developed a mechanism and are able to manage stress, but most children experience difficulty in handling emotions. Parenting requires lot of patience and stress management

Depressed Parenting
Depressed Parents are less loving and nurturing, and very moody and inconsistent towards children. Parent’s state of mind has immediate effect on children. Depressed parents are likely to have kids who have anxiety, depression and academic difficulties. 


Parenting might be difficult and in itself stressful at times, but having stress free happy kids is worth effort. So for parents de-stressing every now and then is important to raise happy and positive kids. Parents who handle their stress well, are able to support kids better. 


Do read my previous posts on how to de-stress - 

Parenting- How to stop worrying

40 Quick tips to De-stress

                                                                    - Spell and Charm

How to stop worrying and destress- 40 quick tips

40- Quick tips for worry free you

Mothers with household chores and work to take care off, sparingly have time to take a break, just sit back and relax. Here are 40 cool breeze ways to make your worries vanish in no time 

1)  Close your eyes and smile

2)  Wear Soothing bright colours

3)  Watch a comic show 

4)  Share a chocolate with your kid

5) Get a cup of Green tea or Ginger lime 

6)  Do single tasking sometimes

7)  Take deep breaths when upset

8)  De clutter your space- work and home

9) Get a head massage

10) Do cloud gazing

11) Listen to music of your choice

12) Hit sauna – Listen to your body

13) Make love

14) Go for slow peaceful drive

15) Exercise / sports Go for a swim

16) Good Smells-  perfumes or fruits you love

17) Meditate

18) Buy a plant

19) Get some Sun

20) Call old buddies

21) Take a long Bubble bath

22) Get a new hairstyle

23) Get a smoothie or a ice cream

24) Give home a makeover

25) Get a creative hobby like zumba etc

26) Have a glass of wine with friends

27) Have a salad lunch

28) Join a hobby class

29) Take a walk over a bridge or on calm stretch

30)Dress well and get some photographs

31) Have popcorn or a crunchy-munchy snack

32) Read a book

33) Watch a funny movie with kid

34) Eat a chocolate

35) Catch a quick prayer

36) Make pancakes

37) Get a hug

38) Make a Buddha (spiritual) corner in house

39) See an old photo album

40) Play with a pet

These are small steps to a more wholesome life. ..Small things you do for yourself ....Free yourself of worries...Happy mom keeps the home happy ...

                                                   -Spell and Charm 

Parenting- Mothers- How to Stop Worrying & De-stress

How to Stop worrying and De-stress 

Further to my previous posts Worries of a working mother and how to improve work life balance. Here is how to start de-stressing yourself and improving on your life. Women by nature are worriers and become more so when they become mothers. The stress of everyday work, multitasking, added to that kid’s worries leaves very less time for mothers to take care of themselves. Often making them feeling stressed, annoyed and upset. Here a few simple tips on how to de-stress and stop worrying

How to Stop worrying & start living as they say- 

Wake up early – Being an early riser, gives you that bit of extra time that your need for yourself. To get up early in morning it is essential that you get to bed early as proper sleep and calm mind are complimentary. Making it a routine as a family to sleep early has a very positive effect on body and mind. This bit of extra time when baby is still sleeping can be used to make morning chores easy, getting organised, plan you day and exercise/ meditate. Just by waking up early and breathing in fresh air helps your mind relax. Try catching a sunrise once in a while….it is great and beautiful stress reliever

Breather’s – In between very stressful situation try and take a second to rest. Find a comfortable place to sit and take calm slow and long breaths. Try this at least 5 to as many times in a day as you want

Simplify – try and find the factors that stress you the most. It may not be possible to remove them, but try to reduce exposure to them. Try to focus on positive thoughts, positive people and your own positive achievements.

Keep in touch with friends – Take out some time from your busy schedule and have chat with good old friends. Look at friends whom you trust for support and advice

De-clutter your space – Organize your living space, Give it a new makeover if you can. Bring out the freshness, look at bright colors, keep the room very well lit, clean and organised. De-clutter your mind as well; multitasking too much is a very big cause of stress. Focus on one thing and it will help mind calm

Be Kind to yourself – Accept that fact that like any other human you need proper rest, and taking care off. Cultivate a habit of forgiving, this will help a lot in having positive mind

Treat yourself – Believe you are worthy and take out time for special treats. Grab your favorite hot chocolate drink, get that pedicure, get a nice perfume, cook your favorite dish …think of small things that make you happy

Be hobby person – Find time to pursue your hobby, May be just for half an hour every weekend. Having a creative outlet helps a lot in freeing the mind and boosting confidence

Exercise/ Meditate- Look at exercise as a routine to follow every week, or do sports; join a club may be badminton, squash as per your liking or a meditation group.

Take a vacation – Plan a small vacation. Keep in mind the places you can go must be safe for kid also. Opt for peaceful weekend resort nearby for complete rest. Cut on to much travel to avoid kids getting cranky

A mother caring for self well will be able to care for child better. The points mentioned above will also help the child as he/she  also gets into routine, disciple and organizing. Being stressed/worried or sad will also have ill affect on child so de-stress and BE HAPPY

                                                           -Spell and Charm 

Parenting -How to Improve Work Life balance – Working Mother

Parenting -How to improve work life balance – working mother

Further to my post regarding worries of working mother, discussed here Troubles of working mother, we will discuss today on how to achieve work life balance with ease

For a working mother getting through the day means lots and lots of multitasking and balancing which leaves her stressed both physically and mentally. A working mom strives for maintaining work life balance in everything she does. From being super-efficient in office to being super mom at home she tries to do everything. But is it worth to have a stressful life to get best of both worlds? Think calmly!  Or rather would you have little of both worlds and a Good Life.  We will discuss Working mother- work life balance in ensuing days with regard to having a good life.

  Today’s post is about importance of planning and organizing

 “When with child have a plan”

 Start with a Day Plan and look at below points where all advance planning may help avoid last minute stress

•  Start the day early – starting the day early is one the things which benefits us in more than one aspects of well-being. To make it easy on yourself try and be in bed early. A tired body must have 8 hours of sleep to be fresh and charged. Early morning freshness has many health benefits and gives you a little “me” time and you can read/ meditate and de-stress.
•  Set a routine for daily chores and assign tasks- Make a time schedule for yourself and kid to follow. Simply your tasks and delegate the simpler tasks which kids can do or be taught to do to kids. Teach kids to be independent with minimum monitoring on self-care activities. You can read benefit of routines for kids here > Benefits of following routines for Children . Also start to simplify and de-clutter you schedule
•  Planning in Advance- Plan tasks for the week/ month in advance. Calendar all the activities family dinners, outings, school meeting in one calendar, share it with your partner. List out all the household chores and office work/ meeting for the week. This will help you understand and plan the busy days. Look at the meeting that can be re-scheduled to balance out your days. Have a plan for back up. Even after much planning there will be days you need help. Have support to  back it up for you , it can be neighbors, friends, relatives whom you can trust

• Organised house – Organised houses are best friend for a working mom. Have a place for everything and ensure to put things in their places .Initially it may take time as to adjust but once done, It makes life simple. Have enough  storage drawers, shelves, hangers to keep house clean and organised.  
•  Plan shopping and meals  - Make a shopping list well in advance keeping record of things need to be bought over next few days. Ensure the fridge is properly stock to avoid last minute rush. Housekeeping involving laundry, Cleaning, shopping, cooking, bills, decorating, and other chores need to be done as a family together and they make very important part of life
•  Slow down – Simply things at your end. Take help from people around. Try not to overwork and say no to work involving late hours, weekends etc. Find out ways by which you can spend more time with family
•  Financials - Plan you Finances monthly .Ensure easy way of handling money. Keep a note of household expenses
•  Plan holidays in between to calm your mind and body -make holiday plan in advance spend the day with the family. Having some fun and making good memories keep person emotionally strong and increases efficiency

As discussed in last few points along with organizing and planning it is important to take out time for emotional well being. So along with work life balance , it is important for working mothers to find time for them self as well and nurture mind. Mind and body are integrated in all aspects of life 

                The Key to good life lies in calm mind and healthy body 

                                                                                         -Spell and charm

What are Troubles of a Working Mother

Troubles of a Working Mother

Being a SAHM is full time job which needs you to be expert at doing all things required to run a house. Be it housecleaning, cooking, budgeting, planning occasions, teaching kids etc. Now being a working mother I would not say is more exhaustive but sure is a daunting task too due to variety of factors. Being working mother requires understanding that neither family, nor work can be undermined as well as care needs of growing child and self are to be attended all at once

Here in we will discuss What is troubling working mother?

• -        The Social thought – In India if a mother returns to work within 6 months of baby she is questioned by innumerable workmates, neighbors, relatives on concerns of how the baby will be managed?. Keeping positive and looking at the whole picture at such time helps a lot 

• -        The Guilt - Guilt is a feeling which makes us feel negative. Working mom feels guilty of not being with there to tend to needs of the child, not being able to spend time with her family. 

• -        Missing moments – As kids grows and mothers don’t get to spend enough time with kids. They feel they miss a lot and could not enjoy see their kids grow up. 

• -        The Decision – most of the time the decision to be SAHM or a working mom is not on mothers to decide bit decided by other members of family and sometimes circumstances. So against her wish a mom may be SAHM or a working mom. "The rise of the women “as they say, and need of double income families does not leave any option for many women so as to say. 

• -        Support system – If the child care/ domestic staff is not very reliable, it is difficult for working mothers to stay focused on her work. Add to that the guests /relatives that pour in at times on the most busy days 

• -        The Work- Life balance - Having too much on your plate means having the pressures of the work along with tending to babies needs -- and balancing is not easy 

• -        House-keeping – taking care of house cleaning, buying grocery, cooking meals and sticking to routines are few of the things that need to be done every day. As chaotic as raising a kid can be, having a super organised  in house is the key here 

• -        Taking care of self – Ignoring your health and grooming in all the hectic schedule can be stressing further. Taking out some time for self and meditation/exercise may help 

• -        Taking care of relationships – having a child is said to have immediate negative affect on husband and wife relation over how to handle kids / home and other things. Caring for husband and being loved is important part of relation which must not be neglect over baby

  The Worth of being a working mother depends on person to person, their ambitions, life goals and perspective of life. But whatever you decide both sides have their pros and cons and you can only depend on yourself to decide the best. 

Cheers to all the mothers who make happy family and happy kids 

                                                                                    ~ Spell and Charm  

How to Improve Focus/ Concentration Development -brain food

 How to Improve Focus/ Concentration Development - part 3- BRAIN FOOD 

This is in continuation of my previous posts regarding importance of concentration development/ improvement in attention span, basic steps to follow and tips to enrich brain, here is post which to outline brain rich food requirements of kids. Here is the last post from where we are picking up

 http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/07/improve-focus-attention-span-of-kids_16.html

For healthy body and mind a very balanced and healthy diet is required. For growing kids we need to ensure the get all the vitamins, minerals, fats and proteins as required for growing muscle, bones and brain.
 Below are some of the important pointers to follow:

• Water 

 Begin the day with water. If weather is cold a glass of warm water should suffice. Kids may not feel thirsty but it is for us to ensure that they drink fluids and are properly hydrated. Don’t rely on packed fruit juices, get kids to drink water. Dehydration drains away energy and makes kids feel fatigued and sleepy.

• The wholesome breakfast 

 Equally important is that kids have proper and healthy breakfast in morning to keep the energy high during the day.  A protein breakfast like eggs, oats, whole wheat bread and muesli are good options. Try and include some fiber with a portion of fruit in breakfast. Include a small glass of milk for sure. For kids less than 5years milk forms a very important source of calcium and Vitamin D

• Healthy body and Antioxidants 

Give kids food which serves brain well. Anti-oxidants prevent damage to brain  from free radicals. Vitamins C and plant food and Eggs, fish, cabbage, cauliflower, carrots, pumpkins, green leafy veggies, and fresh fruits especialy Pomegranate are full of these. These also help increase body immunity

• Brain rich food

Omega 3 fatty acids are important for healthy mind. These are found mainly in fish and are required to enhance brain function and memory. Other than fish these are found in pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, soybean oil, mixed green vegetables, tofu and walnut. These also contain Vitamin D which very important for bones development.

• Foods to avoid

-Avoid caffeine

-Avoid sugar
-White Flour, white rice, white potatoes

Ensure small meals in between, prefer healthy snacks with less sugar/ spices and oil.

     To sum up along with fiber rich food (whole grain, legumes and lentils) also include dairy products, Egg, meat, fish, green leafy vegetables, yogurt, soybean, oats, nuts, carrot, tomato, and fresh fruits . These foods build brain and build immunity as well. Our mind and bodies are integrated by means as well as by end and more so for kids.  
                                                                                              
                                                                                - Spell and Charm 

How to raise Responsible kids

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Parenting - Raising Responsible kids

In continuation to parenting today series, this is 6th post describing how to raise responsible, self learning kids. You can read my previous post here 
http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/06/parenting-today-2015-tantrum-control.html

As we make our-self busy with balancing usual work and making time for parenting, we tend to forget old ways of life. We get so busy taking care of kids; we forget to teach them how to take care of own self.
“As a popular saying goes, Good parenting is not what you teach kids to do for you but it is rather what you teach them to do for themselves “



Lead by example

By taking care I mean inculcating in them the life skills that will be help them lead a good life. Simple things like being responsible, discipline, organizing, sharing work and understanding how to be part of family.

The Right AGE

 Now for small kids we do not mean to aim high, but starting early is the key. From very young kids are great observers and learners. They learn about family relationships and how their family functions. Being involved in household chores understanding different responsibilities is one way they can learn. When children contribute to family, it also helps them feel competent /responsible and a sense of accomplishment. Sharing the housework also means less stress for mothers and clean home.

 Most parents are confused what is the right age for them to start? Mostly by 18 months you can start with self-feeding and later self-dressing. Some kids as they grown pick by observation and don’t need to be taught specifically on tasks. But many kids don't as they get use to of being taken care off, fed, bathed, and walked well past the leaning age. So it is important that children should be taught these skills at the right age to help them slowly understand. Also It is important not to aim to high as kid could do task suitable for their age only. Start with teaching in small steps. First step to be followed for couple of days before moving on to the next step. For example teaching kids getting ready for dinner would involve 1)Washing hands 2)Drying hands 3) Putting a Bib 4) Sitting in correct position. Similarly self-feeding would start with learning how to hold things like glass/ spoon and then slowly getting to their use will make learning easy .Other health and grooming related tasks should also be taught simultaneously.

 Make time / Let Them Help You /Learn to Share

Plan in advance for some extra time for the activity you are teaching. One situation we face every day is that morning times are usually the rushed ones with everyone getting ready for work/ school. Try and plan for kid to do at-least one task every day to start with. Teach kids time management.  When you have time for tasks like organizing toys/ cleaning the room, try not to give kids time and not be pushy all the time. Tell kids about teamwork, how everyone can divide the big work in small steps and work together to finish it.

Appreciate their work and  Praise Them 

Encourage your children by tell them they did the fine job and they time and again keep helping mama with small things. Kids love to do things which interest them and do which they don’t feel it is work like washing vegetables, arranging kitchen, watering your garden, giving your pet a bath. Let kids help with tasks they like.

 Make a Routine 

Parenting and routines go hand in hand. Teach kids the few things which really must be done and are not really counted as work like self-grooming, brushing teeth, combing etc. I have highlighted how routines are important in parenting my mentioned post  http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/06/parenting-today-2015-part-4-following.html

Make few Rules 

Start with “keep it back rule”. Teach kids that things must be returned to the places where they are picked from after use. Teach them importance of grooming, washing hands, keeping clean room and clean closet. Make few rules around you, like no kids’ stuff in other rooms, No playing over the sofa, No dirty clothes on the floor etc. Teach them basics like brushing the teeth leads to no germs, clean clothes makes you look good, if you share your toys you will get more new ones etc. Don’t entertain “no” or whining if kids do not want to do their tasks, Be strict sometimes. Kids must learn to do things on their own ,self-learning is a very important life skill and helpful in elder kids educational learning



We all want our kids to grow up to be self-confident, Independent and solve their own problems …The early we begin the better it is…

You can also read raising environment friendly kids here 

http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/06/raising-kids-to-love-nature.html

                                                                                                        - Spell and Charm

How to Improve Focus/ Attention span of kids - Part 2 - Be a Pro Parent

How to improve Focus/ Attention span of kids - Part 2 - Be a Pro  Parent 

 Further to my post yesterday regarding basic lifestyle changes which help improve focus. 
Here is the second step to help enrich brain and Improve attention/ Concentration development 

However Let me stress again on goodness of following routines, removing the distractions, mind benefits of healthy fresh food and a little calm activity time

Below are few steps which will help further on improving focus/ attentions span :

• Organizing - In next step we can look towards introducing organizing activities. These will involve a simple card game, coin game, shapes collector and best are jigsaw puzzles. This can continue with few tasks like organizing own books and toys
• General knowledge - Along-with these also do some short learning exercises involving general knowledge these are helpful in introducing various subjects or as we say aspects of studies. These help generate curiosity and also keep a tab on improvement. For toddlers start with like name of planets, name of seas, flowers, continents etc. For elder kids more complex exercises like deepest, longest, shortest and first and last etc. can be done. Best way for elder kids is to get GK flash cards and ensure these cards are used like a game. So kids get to win rewards and have fun.
• Memory games – Other than those discussed above there are lot of memory games which are easy and fun. With toddlers talking about friends and close relatives and making them remembering names is where you can begin. Then popular games like memory card games and name place animal thing are also helpful
• Sequencing - It is important that maths subject is not ignored and some number games like missing numbers, join the dots, colour the numbers is also done. Before and after number game is also good for improving memory
• Story Books – To help kids develop interest in reading use their favorite cartoon characters story books. Reading the book first and then watching any series gives a sense of joy to kids as they already know the plot. This helps in inculcating reading as a habit

• Encourage a hobby - Children by birth are Imaginative and inquisitive. The important thing for parents is to answer their questions and let the curiosity grow. The child has lots of creative thoughts and ideas, which needs outlet to help keep mind calm and focus. A hobby can be a sport, music, dance anything which is of interest to kid.
• Time management – Teach kid time management every day. Talk to them in measured time like we will have food in 10 minutes; we will go to park at 5 PM. Also don’t overload kids with activities. It is best to pursue one physical activity and one fun hobby at a time. If kid has tuition on all days, do other activities on alternate days at same time. “A tired kid can neither play nor learn”. Try to not over schedule kid and give them some free time.
• Relax- help kids learn how to relax. Kids like us have a way of finding what relaxes them, It may  singing some la la la tune or a song like Thumbelina’s follow your heart or a walk in park or just looking at trees, gazing at clouds .For older kids try and introduce meditation/Yoga to help focus better. Benefits of meditation are for all young and old.

A good integration of concentration in everyday activities makes life easy.

In continuation to above post do read my post regarding food to be integrated in everyday diet to ensure healthy brain

                                                 - Spell and Charm

How to Improve Focus/ Attention span of kids - Part 1

How to improve Focus/ Attention span of kids

Here are few basic steps on how to start working on concentration development/focus improvement, this is just the beginning. Please take one step at a time, too much change may disturb and make kid resist the change even more. So keep the grip loose and make the changes gradually. Prepare yourself to invest a bit of time with your kids everyday to make this work.  

Ø   Follow a healthy lifestyle, good food and sleep and play helps kids grow better and focused. A diet inclusive of fresh fruits, green vegetables, complex cabs and protein is important for mind and body development .

Also further to this read below which will help further enrich brain and improve on focus 

http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/07/improve-focus-attention-span-of-kids_16.html

http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/07/brain-food-improve-focus-concentration.html

Further to the blog I wrote yesterday, 
(http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/07/concentration-development-important-in.html)

There are many ways of working on improving focus. We have to first start with removing/minimizing of distractions. So here is the basics list to follow:

Ø   Stimulation and excitement for babies – Babies are natural learners. Talking is one of them. Constant entertainment leads to too much stimulation and an easily bored, over-stimulated child. In early years it is important to give them time to experience, understand and assimilate things 

Ø   Lead with example – ‘Kids are little people’. They are great observers and mimics. That said the decision for limited screen time (TV/ Laptops) must be applied for all members in family. So as parents we must minimize the use of TV/ phones / laptops in-front of kids for entertainment. Switching off the TV while having dinner makes kids focus on eating better and also makes for a great family time. 

Ø   Proper sleep – Proper Sleep is very important for kids at regular interval. Other than 9 hours sleep at night most kids require an afternoon nap which helps them recharge and concentrate better.

Ø   Try story telling/ Reading a book - Children love to hear stories with characters which are popular to which they can relate more. Try their favorite cartoon character stories. Telling stories helps to stimulate their internal picture making capabilities and also help them focus on the plot as story travels. Bedtime is best suited , it also provides some quite time for parent kid bonding

Ø   Encourage outdoor activities involving running, jumping, climbing, these help develop motor skills and also brain development. Kids are full on energy, Channelizing there energy in right direction is what is important. Outdoor games are amazing for physical development and social skill development

Ø   For improving focus start with activities suitable as per age and of kids interest. Please understand the aim is not to educate kids but to help brain development and focus so it is important that kids enjoy and involve at same time .You can start with activities like drawing, coloring, origami, finger games, circle games, painting, clay modelling. At first kids may be uninterested so, start with lesser time 10-15 minutes and then over every 3 days increase by 5 minutes. Please try and make it quiet time with minimum distractions so kid can focus. As kids create and enjoy few rhymes and songs can also be included in between. 


Reward kids when they accomplish a task and you see improvement

Also read Importance of following routines, I am sure it will be helpful in continuation of above 

 http://spellandcharm.blogspot.com/2015/06/parenting-today-2015-part-4-following.html

Also read what are ingredients of a healthy brain food to help child focus better and improve concentration 

 CALM MIND AND HEALTHY BODY IS KEY TO HAPPY LIFE 

                                                                                        - Spell and charm